Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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