I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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