how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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