there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
