Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
