How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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