your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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