the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
