u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
