I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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