Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize