I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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