He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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