Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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