We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
