I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
