Soap is not a condiment
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
