Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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