Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
