He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
