I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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