I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
