just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
