Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Randomize
