I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
PS: I just woke up from my shower
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
