yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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