My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
