my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
