This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
