I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
