I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
