i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
