Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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