In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
