She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
