guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
