my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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