Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
