Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
