At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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