now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
