what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We were destined to go to rehab together
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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