Your face is a jimmy john
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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