So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
