I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
