I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
