i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
The ass gains better be worth it
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