**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
whose parrot is this?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
