The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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