i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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