I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
