I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Small penises have feelings too.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Randomize
