If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
