Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
