i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
