Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
