The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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