Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
