Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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