my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
And then he peed in my hair
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