Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
