she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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