So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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