well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
