I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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